Posts tagged #leaveyourcomfortzone
Amy interviews her husband Oliver

When I felt that sad, nauseous, panicky feeling of STILL being single, I made a big decision one New Year's Day. It happened to be 1/1/11, the day I got dumped by a nice man who was definitely not right for me, but I hoped would commit to me because I was getting "old" and was in SO much fear. Hot! (not.) That actually turned out to be one of the hardest years of my life, but if I had to go back I WOULD do it all again. Because I allowed my pain to move me. I surrendered. I got closer to my Source. I worked hard, on all areas of myself, with a lot of time love and attention.

The big decision was this: I have a desire to attract commitment and lasting love, therefore I am seeking advice or experience from people who are committed in a relationship and experiencing lasting love. It was that simple, and it remains my intention today. I was motivated by one bold indelible moment that had taken place the year before: I bumped into a fellow yoga teacher who was very pregnant and overdue. She said "all my acquaintances who have never had a baby go on and on to me about what I should do...and all the birthmoms that I see just nod and smile, without a word." What was that? It burrowed into my consciousness. I wanted to be married, therefore I wanted the nod and smile of marriage, therefore I'll hang out with married people. Listen to married people. Ask them how it happened for them. Ask them to set me up. (how I met my husband, btw) In addition, if I heard about a great book on marriage from an author who wasn't married, I didn't buy it. When I attended an event with a love coach who had all the feels and buzz you could ever want, I bounced when I heard her say she was divorced and working on manifesting her "perfect" guy now. (Besides, I didn't want a perfect guy. I wanted the messy, alive human being that I would hear fumbling in the other room, whose hopes and dreams and baggage all matched mine like a puzzle.)

Here's what happened: it spilled over into other areas of my life. I stopped getting distracted by squeaky wheels that had never actually rode their wheels into the thing they were talking about. And the bottom line was, when I sought the guidance of married people, it felt POSSIBLE. I got good at it. I curated and pinpointed my search. I gravitated toward feminine energy women who were married to masculine energy men. The landscape of my acquaintances changed. I permitted lapses in professional boundaries with private yoga students whose homes I entered, and found they were enthusiastic to impart something personal about marriage to me at the end of a session. I sought out members of my personal growth community who seemed happy, and good at self care, and demonstrated trust and self respect by not meddling in their husband's affairs. I listened to them. I heard things like "Yes, I probably would've done it better, but I'm not tellin him that!" and "There's only one captain on a ship" and "He had to take a call during dinner, but I decided not to take it personally." I'd imagine myself in that scenario. I learned who to ignore. Like a woman who told me she regularly snooped in her husband's email and laid down the law that she would be the only driver because "he's such an idiot behind the wheel".

Out of this decision came a more acute understanding of myself, and what I needed. I discovered commitment to an even earlier early rise with a siesta was best for me, and I started to carve out my self employment schedule of teaching yoga and writing songs in a different way. By the time I met my husband, I had let go of evening classes on Monday and Thursday nights. Precisely the days he did not have his kids. (Not an accident. A law of the Universe at work.) My afternoon siesta opening turned into an opportunity to pick up his kids after school once we had made a commitment to dating long term.

I still maintain steady exposure to people who are committed to kindness and respect towards their spouse, and avoid those who are not. Even a recent interview with Sarah Jessica Parker on the Goop podcast proved to be something that will remain with me. When asked about her lasting marriage, she said something like, 'it's so satisfying to be irritated, but I'm sure he gets irritated with me, too.' She talked about seeing her future with her husband and wondered if a small thing is really important in the face of that? This is the kind of thing I am talking about. Big picture is great, but if you want how, you gotta hear from people in it. So in the spirit of offering to you what I myself needed, I'm sharing from my present-day treasured, spiritual, messy married life with my husband Oliver. I love him more than when I met him. Hope I can help you trust that he or she is out there, and fulfillment is possible. Because it is.

Sharing
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Have you ever told someone something that you had been holding inside? When you got it out, you might've waited to be judged or ridiculed and instead the person proves trustworthy and loving and just nods, and says, "yep...."

That's how I want you to feel after sharing with your friends, with other listeners, or emailing me at somethingbetterpodcast@gmail.com

Shame grows like mold, in the dark, and when you share what you're feeling about not having found love, not feeling the love, or anything else that is holding you back, you liberate yourself.

Thanks so much to all those who have had the guts to let it all out.

I'm glad it is helping. Pass it on!

160 Dates
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Listeners, meet @160dates (Instagram) my interview with a Something Better gal, a woman who is anonymously sharing her personal journey of exploring self love and self awareness through dating. I believe she'll find her true match and realize her dream of partnership and children. Her experience, openness and introspection is a must-hear. Plus, she is downright adorable!!

Breaking Up With Your Parents with Rich Jacques
Rich Jacques, probably getting a song idea while someone photographs him

Rich Jacques, probably getting a song idea while someone photographs him

This week I am joined by Rich Jacques, a Grammy winning singer/songwriter and producer, and one of my favorite people to write songs with, not only because he's a musical genius, but because he is always up for a deep talk. (he produced the song you hear when you tune into the podcast, "Sweetest Surrender")

Rich is one of the wisest people I know, and we delved into the idea of "breaking up" with family members or anyone with whom you may be playing out stagnant patterns that block you from realizing your personal relationship dreams and desires.

I adore Rich and i think you're going to get why!