Masculine and Feminine Principles (original air date 9/18/17)

Existing within are principles and energies that are there already. Self care and consciousness unlock the tools you need to attract, nourish and sustain the love you're longing for. Opening to spiritual solutions and digesting these age old common sense principles are the key to finding lasting love.

Thank you for listening!

Amy Loftus
Let's Trust in Something Better (original air date 9/11/17)

Are you in your late thirties or early forties and 100% confident addressing men at your high pressure job but terrified of making eye contact and smiling at a handsome man in an elevator? Have you purchased your home, grown your investment portfolio, frozen your eggs? Do you take amazing vacations and enjoy your work benefits with friends? And are you "surviving" all of this because you do not have any romantic prospects?

Maybe you're married and longing for your husband to be more assertive? Meanwhile, you're telling him how to drive and complaining that he's like an extra kid.

Are you a single woman that is secretly mad at all men?

Did the women's movement offer us endless professional direction at the expense of our personal lives?

What if I showed you how much power you have on the inside? I believe you can turn all of your most frustrating realities around completely with the use of built in tools and gifts you already have.

Thank you for listening!!

Amy LoftusComment
Amy interviews her husband Oliver

When I felt that sad, nauseous, panicky feeling of STILL being single, I made a big decision one New Year's Day. It happened to be 1/1/11, the day I got dumped by a nice man who was definitely not right for me, but I hoped would commit to me because I was getting "old" and was in SO much fear. Hot! (not.) That actually turned out to be one of the hardest years of my life, but if I had to go back I WOULD do it all again. Because I allowed my pain to move me. I surrendered. I got closer to my Source. I worked hard, on all areas of myself, with a lot of time love and attention.

The big decision was this: I have a desire to attract commitment and lasting love, therefore I am seeking advice or experience from people who are committed in a relationship and experiencing lasting love. It was that simple, and it remains my intention today. I was motivated by one bold indelible moment that had taken place the year before: I bumped into a fellow yoga teacher who was very pregnant and overdue. She said "all my acquaintances who have never had a baby go on and on to me about what I should do...and all the birthmoms that I see just nod and smile, without a word." What was that? It burrowed into my consciousness. I wanted to be married, therefore I wanted the nod and smile of marriage, therefore I'll hang out with married people. Listen to married people. Ask them how it happened for them. Ask them to set me up. (how I met my husband, btw) In addition, if I heard about a great book on marriage from an author who wasn't married, I didn't buy it. When I attended an event with a love coach who had all the feels and buzz you could ever want, I bounced when I heard her say she was divorced and working on manifesting her "perfect" guy now. (Besides, I didn't want a perfect guy. I wanted the messy, alive human being that I would hear fumbling in the other room, whose hopes and dreams and baggage all matched mine like a puzzle.)

Here's what happened: it spilled over into other areas of my life. I stopped getting distracted by squeaky wheels that had never actually rode their wheels into the thing they were talking about. And the bottom line was, when I sought the guidance of married people, it felt POSSIBLE. I got good at it. I curated and pinpointed my search. I gravitated toward feminine energy women who were married to masculine energy men. The landscape of my acquaintances changed. I permitted lapses in professional boundaries with private yoga students whose homes I entered, and found they were enthusiastic to impart something personal about marriage to me at the end of a session. I sought out members of my personal growth community who seemed happy, and good at self care, and demonstrated trust and self respect by not meddling in their husband's affairs. I listened to them. I heard things like "Yes, I probably would've done it better, but I'm not tellin him that!" and "There's only one captain on a ship" and "He had to take a call during dinner, but I decided not to take it personally." I'd imagine myself in that scenario. I learned who to ignore. Like a woman who told me she regularly snooped in her husband's email and laid down the law that she would be the only driver because "he's such an idiot behind the wheel".

Out of this decision came a more acute understanding of myself, and what I needed. I discovered commitment to an even earlier early rise with a siesta was best for me, and I started to carve out my self employment schedule of teaching yoga and writing songs in a different way. By the time I met my husband, I had let go of evening classes on Monday and Thursday nights. Precisely the days he did not have his kids. (Not an accident. A law of the Universe at work.) My afternoon siesta opening turned into an opportunity to pick up his kids after school once we had made a commitment to dating long term.

I still maintain steady exposure to people who are committed to kindness and respect towards their spouse, and avoid those who are not. Even a recent interview with Sarah Jessica Parker on the Goop podcast proved to be something that will remain with me. When asked about her lasting marriage, she said something like, 'it's so satisfying to be irritated, but I'm sure he gets irritated with me, too.' She talked about seeing her future with her husband and wondered if a small thing is really important in the face of that? This is the kind of thing I am talking about. Big picture is great, but if you want how, you gotta hear from people in it. So in the spirit of offering to you what I myself needed, I'm sharing from my present-day treasured, spiritual, messy married life with my husband Oliver. I love him more than when I met him. Hope I can help you trust that he or she is out there, and fulfillment is possible. Because it is.

Empaths and Energy Vampires

Have you ever entered a relationship with someone and questioned their integrity but felt convinced that you will be the one to receive the best of them, despite the questionable motives and behaviors that they have displayed? Have you ever left an encounter with a person and felt like you could fall fast asleep? Have you ever been flooded with surprising emotions at moments, and at others, unable to sense what you yourself are feeling inside?

You may be an empath.

It's imperative to understand yourself better if you are, because you'll require specific tools for self care, and you'll need to become aware that you're a magnet for people who maintain difficult personality traits.

In this week's podcast, live Tuesday morning, July 24th, I share my experience of two radically informative books on the topic, which are both easy to purchase on the books page of this website: The Empath's Survival Guide by Dr. Judith Orloff, and Dodging Energy Vampires by Dr. Christiane Northrup.

Thank you for listening!!

Bachelor #2

This week I go deeper into some of the correspondence I had with my first single, masculine man listener who emailed me. I answer some of his questions and concerns, and also expand on how we both think men get a raw deal at times. I want the feminine female listeners to hear from the inner world of a single guy and know they go through their own challenges on this journey too.

 

 

On Chakras

You are more than just a bag of bones- you are a consciousness. You are a spiritual being in a vessel that is your responsibility. If you're leaving your comfort zone to change and grow, deep care is more important than ever.  Each ailment, pain, illness and discomfort delivers information and awareness, if you will allow for that. A tool paramount to this process is developing a personal awareness of your chakras--what Deepak Chopra calls "junction points between physiology and consciousness". One more not to my female singles...realize, ladies....that when you let someone in with intercourse, you are letting them into more than just your physical body...you are letting them into each and every chakra. Are they worthy?

Casella and Grease on the "3 Cs"

Matt Casella (on left) and Brendan "Grease" Greeley are old friends from Chicago. They happen to be two of my brother's closest friends-I've known them since they were little kids, and now they are old enough for me to pretend we are all the same age! (Hahaaa) They are back on the podcast again after being one of my very first interviews, and this time we caught up with eligible bachelor Grease about his latest dating adventures and discussed what Pat Allen calls "the three Cs"...communication, chemistry, and compatibility.

 

 

Trust the Process

This week I responded to a few listeners by offering a single's perspective, a married perspective, and a human being perspective...because regardless of whether or not you're in a relationship, we are all in an ever evolving human experience.

The truth is, there is nowhere to quickly "get to" in order to be "okay". It's an illusion, and everywhere you look (if you live in a city with billboards or watch TV) you'll be told there is a place at which you have to arrive, a thing you have to buy, a person you "neeeeeed" to know in order to be okay. However, the world is changing. PROCESS really is being embraced by our society, little by little. My mission here is to get you to fill the void spiritually and enter into a student orientation to yourself and your interactions, (which breeds consciousness) and fall in love with your own life.  Wayne Dyer taught "NOWHERE" can also be seen as NOW HERE. So here's to "getting nowhere" to reframe it into NOW HERE- you might find yourself trusting the process!!

Dream Big From the INside Out with Ariel Kiley

Have you ever seen a woman walk into a room and gone "OK, she's going somewhere." ? I have. I am a bit of a casting agent inside. (I actually think I'd be great at it.) When I lived in Nashville I used to internally bet on gals that I was seeing at the venues I was playing. I had a little memory bank going of people I thought would succeed. (I'm 3 for 3 at the moment--they were all licensed multiple times on the television drama "Nashville").

Well THAT'S how I felt about Ariel Kiley when I met her years ago. I got on her mailing list and followed her writing and workshops. She's on my inner "One to Watch" list. All I can say is, you gotta hear this. She's bound to help anyone who listens to this episode. Her voice alone is like a warm bath, and she's an old soul carrying massive wisdom.

 

Direct Communication: On Repair

I once heard Tony Robbins say something like 'if every married person behaved the way they did the first week they met their spouse, even after years together, no one would split up.' Are you polite to your spouse? Being rational and direct usually involves being kind. Today is on repair. Whether you've been married for awhile or you just hit your first bump in the road with the person you're dating, this is a review of some concepts created by Pat Allen and taught at the WANT Institute on rational communication and repair.

Girlfriend Talk: Do I Contact Him?
Amy and Christy

Spoiler Alert: NO! NO!!! NO!!! Please listen to this if you are committed to expressing your feminine energy in romantic relationship, but keep telling yourself it is okay to contact him. If you want to be the feminine energy in a symbiotic, hot, energetically orderly romantic relationship, you have GOT TO avert your eyes away from him and keep them on the horizon and your own heart's desires. He literally will not know what hit him, and he'll think you just arrived from Venus. Pretty much because you will.

Put your phone down, ladies. I know it feels panicky and daunting to let go, but I'm here for you. So is my guest and very dear friend Christy. Don't miss our real-life get together with microphones!

xoxo

Amy

 
My Mother's Day Club
 I was several weeks late on my wedding day and found out that morning I was not pregnant. It was our 3rd month of trying and I marked it as officially not being in the "effortless conception" birthmother club. I knew intuitively that day another path may be planned for me.

I was several weeks late on my wedding day and found out that morning I was not pregnant. It was our 3rd month of trying and I marked it as officially not being in the "effortless conception" birthmother club. I knew intuitively that day another path may be planned for me.

This is the first Mother’s Day in four years of trying to become pregnant and then giving up on becoming pregnant that I don’t care about the club I'm not in. The didn't-try, oooops, I got pregnant when my husband looked at me, I drank tequila and got pregnant, I didn't think it would happen that fast, infuriating, effortless conception birthmother club. I actually don't care. It's delicious. I might tomorrow, but I don't today. I didn't plan to write this, but I must, while it's here. It just arrived. Clear, blissful awareness: I don't care.

This day used to be like the peak of a mountain of the hot, cramping shame that comes with only giving birth to pain. To release this shame is to realize I am in a club. Every woman who miscarried, crossed the threshold into a cold clinic, experienced not hours but years of labor before seeing her birthchildren, or raised and loved like there was DNA when there was not, is in my club. Every woman who thinks only of those going through what she went through and names their pain when she posts her children's baby pictures (or names it by rarely or never posting) is in my club. And especially, the "unexplained infertility" woman who wanted to and did not conceive, miscarry, or give birth is in my Mother's Day club. We may not know surprise in a pierce and tug below the navel, or our birth children, but damn...we know ourselves.

My Mother's Day club includes stepmoms, especially the ones that concentrate on offering what they needed and did or didn’t get. I don’t require anything from our boys so that I can feel better, and I see the relief in their eyes when they know I am here for them, not me. The gift is, they let me know them. They share their lives with me. It's not on display, and it is real, alive, and unbreakable. I went through a lot to be able to understand and create that, and I'm proud of myself, and satisfied and content with our busy daily life. For that, I am able to gratefully receive Mother's Day wishes from absolutely anyone, annual flowers from my my mom, and great gifts my husband.

Here is my club's mission-ish statement, in case you want to join. "I am enough, and most of the time it feels good to have gone with the will of the wind and not a fixed fantasy." As in hospital photos on Instagram. Sometimes it bewilders and shocks me mine only got taken after surgery. Alone, drowsy, my husband holding up his phone camera saying "babe, you look really pretty". I still sense psychic echoes of a growing girl-child with one shoe under her bed and another in the car that make me feel crazy. I count how old she would've been from a successful procedure date. Sometimes it hurts so bad I have to find a powder room to cry in and I feel my heart actually spasm. I don't eat it or work it away anymore like at first. I have the guts to sit and feel it, and the heart strength that comes of sitting with it gets passed on to everyone I love, especially my man. It also goes to all my friends who had and are having babies. I get to actually feel happy for them. It's a miracle, and they are welcome in my club. All effortless conception birthmothers are. We are in this together.

I carry on in the way that works for me: believing that if that was my fate it would have happened, and that I prefer to relax, let go and trust. You may have a different way to carry on. In my club, everyone gets their own way and no one tells them what it is- they find it out on their own. In my club, happy endings are Divinely Ordered and they all look different. Deep womanhood and abiding motherhood apply to a vast array of people to love, projects to deliver, and experiences to cherish. In my club, we know that yearning and learning have a place in a woman's life, for all she may not see today, but will.

You are not alone.

Love,
Amy

P.S. write me if you feel like it. somethingbetterpodcast@gmail.com This week's podcast is an interview with Bestselling author Claire Bidwell Smith, who is an incredibly vulnerable, truthful writer and definitely inspired me to write this.

 
Young Men and Healthy Masculinity
 
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Ever read a parenting article and wondered if the author even has kids? Jodie Fratantuno is my guest this week because she is a conscious, loving mom who walks her talk. Calling all Moms, Stepmoms, Aunties, Teachers, Coaches and Friends! Our topic is emotional intelligence and inner life in young men to develop healthy masculinity. Jodie and I are developing a program to teach young men about their inner life. I have reframed the gun debate to become pro-young men because I believe we will no longer need to be anti-gun when we all circle around our young men and guide them to higher ground.

 
 
An Interview with Laura Doyle
 NY Times bestselling author Laura Doyle

NY Times bestselling author Laura Doyle

Laura Doyle is the woman who started the worldwide movement of women who practice The Six Intimacy Skills that lead to having amazing, vibrant relationships. She is a New York Times bestselling author whose books have been translated into 17 languages. She founded an international relationship coaching company and has appeared on The Today Show, Good Morning America and The View, and she has her own TV show on Amazon called "Empowering Wives". My favorite part of her bio is "The thing she’s most proud of is her gratifying, 27-year marriage with her hilarious husband John, who has been dressing himself since before she was born." LOL, and ha-hem....

I read her book "The Surrendered Wife" my first year of marriage (after I gave my first copy to Good Will! Ha!) and it shifted a huge area of our life for me--finances. Laura was a total delight to interview and is full of lighthearted, crystallized phrases, such as "a complaint is an upside down desire" and "respect is like oxygen for men" (I couldn't agree more.) Whether you are single or married, don't miss this episode!

 
An Interview With Empowering Goddess Gabby Reece
 Gabby Reece and Laird Hamilton

Gabby Reece and Laird Hamilton

World renowned athlete Gabby Reece is my guest on the podcast this week! She was open and intimate about being married (with three kids) to Big Wave surfer and innovator Laird Hamilton and gracious to have taken time to share her experience with us. I'm on the path of leaving my comfort zone so my dreams can come true too, right along with you. Yes, I feel vulnerable and odd when I'm asking people to meet me on the web for an interview, but it is always worth it no matter the outcome. Gabby is a personal hero and walks Something Better talk. I am super grateful to have had this chance to share an hour of her full life. Listen in, pick up her NY Times Bestseller My Foot is Too Big for the Glass Slipper and email me your thoughts! somethingbetterpodcast@gmail.com

xo
Amy

 
Online Dating: A Listener's Experience
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Are you hesitating to write a guy on Bumble because you're questioning what feminine energy principles look like in real life? Erin, a listener, offered her time and experience so I could offer my take on the nuances of online dating in alignment with the principles of Something Better. Listen for some hot tips and hope!

 
On Beauty
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What do you think is the heart of beauty? I think it is cleanliness-- and by that i mean soul-level clean. Living from your heart, being true; heart mind and soul.

Tune in and remember who you really are. Beautiful from the inside.

Bachelor #1, what's your ideal first date?
 Matt

Matt

It's time for you single ladies to hear from a real live handsome good hearted man who wants love marriage and kids, so you can realize they are in your hood too!! Keep the faith!! My guest this week is my single and available friend Matt Ciccone. Email me if you want to get in touch with him!