Stepmom Lizzie Brown and I recently met at the home of Jen Smith ( my guest on “This is My Love Story”). We talked about how well received Jen’s podcast on stepmotherhood was, and decided to continue the conversation, in addition to discussing Lizzie’s app, Yoga Wake Up, which she created with her husband Joaquin. Enjoy!
I have been hearing from women since the first season of SB and the one constant among issues they have shared with me is what I see as a fear of facing the truth about being cut out for a casual thing. Admitting that you are not means raising your standards and closing the door on crumbs in order to make room for something better. Often this comes in the form of averting attention from “situationships” so you can graduate to a real relationship. If your deepest desire is a committed relationship, and the Interstate of your life still has a side road to the culdesack of texting with someone who cannot step up and define the experience and commit to an exclusive relationship, then it’s time to raise your standards, speak up, and step away from the situationship into relationship. This episode includes a game-ending script for rationally communicating your desires, so you can leave your comfort zone of fantasy and enter the dream of real fulfillment.
I received this question from a listener: “As my friends and I date the choppy online dating waters, we debate how to spot a masculine man and differentiate healthy from toxic masculinity, and how to differentiate a masculine from a feminine man. How would you describe the qualities of each of these types of men? What are the differences between then and what are the behaviors that signal them? How can we women who want to come from our feminine respond to these different behaviors?” Thank you!! Such a great question!
Let’s start with SIGNALING. Masculine men wait for a signal. They don’t dive in. Gentlemen wait for a signal before they make an effort. Toxic masculinity is tongue wagging, eye popping flagging you down- it’s not waiting. Heed the FLAG. It’s red. Pat Allen taught me to practice this: Smile without talking and hold eye contact with a man. Often he will respond well if he’s a healthy masculine man. if he doesn’t, take note! Also notice who instigates the signaling as you move about the world. Urgent signaling from a man who won’t wait on you and your passive pace is a red flag of a toxic masc energy. They come on strong and often disappear….oh I have SO much more to say…it’s all for the learning. Tune in!
Dating has a life and death quality to it- the hope, over and over again, the false starts, the going on ANOTHER date only to find ANOTHER guy you can’t imagine kissing. Another little death inside. The life and death quality of marriage and family. It can be watching your husband drive off and take the kids for a joyful excursion and savoring the alone time, to find yourself looking at photos on your phone as soon as they leave because you just realized your whole life is in that one car! It’s deep, and when we can hold these concepts in their entirety, in the moment, we can often experience the emotional intimacy we crave— the kind that liberates us from petty concern, from blocks that keep us isolated from deep love. I got help from Tony Robbins and Sage on this one. I recorded it right after seeing a video of them, discussing a moment of facing a life or death moment in their love affair, on a plane with a faulty engine. Needless to say…I was in tears. Watch the video here
I think the flip side of grandiosity is depression, and the fantasies that feed grandiosity are not dreams…they are the white sugar high substitute of dreams…unlike fulfilling, nurturing whole fulfillment. After listening to the podcast “Broken Harts” which is a heightened extreme and a dark glimpse into a deceptive use of social media, I sensed a call to ask again- are you showing a “side” of you and utilizing fantasy to take you to the next crash, or honestly sharing yourself, leaving your comfort zone and realizing the fulfillment of your dreams?
Who Are You When You Are Alone? Joe Dispenza writes about closing the gap between who you are and who you present to the world in his book “Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself”. If your gap is too big, you are in for it once you partner! Live today as though you have what you want, flourishing partnership where you are and feel seen…and if your alone time holds secrets…tell them to someone you trust!
Host Amy Loftus' family friend, a successful real estate goddess named Morgan Pasco, approached Amy about something she wanted to share in real time, on Something Better Podcast. What followed could help a lot of people release the shame often associated with mental illness and diagnosis. Hear from a woman overcoming and thriving, despite the shock of a sharp turn in her life's path.
Jen Smith is a yoga teacher, writer, the Director of a busy Yoga Retreat and Event Club, a Fitness Director for Equinox, a wife, mom, and stepmom. An expert at unity, bringing the true meaning of yoga to one practitioner at a time, she is a leading light in the spiritual and yoga community of Los Angeles. She is also Amy's friend. Amy and Jen were awestruck by their parallel lives, when they both happened to be dating men who were also parents to two boys, age 6 and 8, eventually marrying and becoming stepmoms. On this episode, they share a conversation that reflects their years-long journey of supporting each other through their commitment to consciousness- as they navigate the challenges and nuances of blended family life.
Marlene Nichols is a member of Strong Words, a movement of writers and storytellers in Los Angeles and Palm Springs, and the last time we both performed at Strong Words we carpooled and wished we had recorded our conversation. Weeks later, revived our chat for “Something Better”. Marlene also teaches writing and storytelling (and has a class starting soon). We got the chance to talk about the healing experience of embracing your own story…and the interview has a “part 2” that happened after Marlene shared about her love life, so we hopped back on the call— don’t miss the end!
Hilary Powers has an incredible story of redemption to share. She wrote a memoir called Peanuts to Percocet about how her childhood as a big earner in voice over and acting cast a shadow over her life that she got out from under- sparking, shining, and spreading hope. She lived the prayer that this podcast was named for: “this or something better” and through surrender of what she could not change and exerting control over what was hers to discard, she gave up the fantasy and entered her dream. #somethingbetterpodcast #happynewyear #nevertoolate #dontgiveup #trust
Vol 2 of my tips and insights on spiritual self care during the holidays!
Have you heard the podcast Dirty John? I met four single girls on my way to vacation for my 5th wedding anniversary in the gate of the airport, and they urged me to listen to it. What a deep dive I took into asking questions while I listened…. “how does this happen?? How does a competent woman allow someone like this to enter her life?? No judgement, sis…you gotta look onto this with compassion and wonder where in your inner world YOU need a tune up. We all do!! That’s how bozos like this do not EVER look enticing. On the topic of injured instinct, your reading companion: Women Who Run With the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes
Therapist, writer and researcher Pat Allen once said to me “I’ll be the Mother Man of your dreams”. It was because I was seeking her help for dysfunctional dating and an unfulfllling personal life. Today’s podcast is my experience of this deep, life altering Jungian concept. Those who need it will understand…and it will be like watering a plant..you’ll feel how nourishing it can be to mentally and spiritually wake up and face what is in your way so you can feel free to follow your heart’s desires.
It just is. It’s not a thing coming to save you. It’s a trip. You gotta get up, plan, open up, show up, try, change, explore, forgive, accept. And if you can……it’s awesome.
That’s what this episode is about.
What if, after years and years of marriage and two kids, your husband came to you to let you know he is bisexual? What does that mean for the union? Why is this necessary for me to know? Is it because you want to take new actions toward this new realization? Can I accept that? These are some of the questions I explored with an SB Listener who is in the middle of a life storm, and handling it by asking rational and fair questions, utilizing self care, and keeping the faith in a process of using crisis to grow.
I ran into my neighbor in town and had a very interesting conversation with her about her new experiences as an activist dedicated to empowering women on campus at college in the midwest. She was in shock about general attitudes about sex and personal empowerment and I was in shock that they are still in place like they were when I was in college. We decided to continue the conversation on the podcast, and I got to test my beliefs about inner energies with the daughter of a same sex couple. Enjoy!
When I was writing the quiz on masculine and feminine energies for the website, I made an appointment with Interact for IT on getting it up on www.somethingbetterpodcast.com and happened to get the creator of the company on the line, Josh. We had an interesting talk about human potential, his being single, and he agreed to an interview. I was surprised and encouraged by the central theme of what he had to say...and am glad to share with my listeners a single guy who is interested in a spiritual connection and lasting love!
Actor/Writer/Producer Courtney Rackley is the creator and star of two Amazon series’ “Firsts” and “Dealbreakers”. Her take on creative process, allowing for feelings, letting go of results, and trusting God but “acting as if there isn’t one” (because she is so prolific and forthright in her efforts) will undoubtedly inspire you. She was just back from an inspiring journey to Bali and shares about the spiritual ways that are built into the culture.
The last person you talked to? Your in-laws? Your past? Or do you belong to your Creator? Maybe you feel a sense of belonging through a church, temple or meditation community, maybe you feel you belong to God but leave the “o” out when you write that, out of reverence. Maybe you sense you belong to Buddha, or Christ. The science of mind idea that I teach is a sense of belonging with yourself, fueled by a Higher Power or Source energy that you understand and feel content to trust. I felt validated when I finished Brene Brown’s book on the topic and recorded this shortly afterwards to reinforce what I had learned, and to encourage you to ask this of yourself.
If you were dealing with the overwhelming physical and emotional experience of becoming a mother, struggling with imbalances, and uninterested in sex, would you allow your husband to find a sexual partner on Tinder to meet his needs? My listener did that…and now she is struggling to accept the consequences of her choice, while navigating rational communication and negotiation around it.